4 negotiating myths from the past

Whether it is the Prime Minister of Singapore negotiating an international treaty, community leaders negotiating use of public space during New Year’s celebrations or an engaged couple negotiating over who should be invited to the wedding – the principles are the same.

The problem is, often these principles are based on myths: false assumptions which may have been true at one time – but certainly aren’t now. Singaporeans have shown that they are able to move with the times…so there I no reason for us to be limited by old negotiating myths.

Negotiating Myth Number 1: There is a level playing field.

Level playing field sounds good; but the reality is no-one really wants it level – they want it tilted their way. Only natural, because no two parties are ever equal. Even if they wield roughly the same amount of power, it will be in different areas. Nowadays, it is better to assume that the other party has more power than you and prepare accordingly.

Over its short history, Singapore has done a brilliant job of moving from a position of relatively low power (as a small isolated former colonial outpost) to the high power it enjoys today. Even though you might be negotiating from a position of high power, it is wise always to prepare as if the other side is the more powerful. This is one area where it is better to overestimate than underestimate.

Negotiating Myth Number 2: The goalposts won’t move.

Planning for a negotiation is often based on establishing certainty – once we establish what cannot change, then we can know what’s negotiable. Makes sense. The trouble is the world can change so suddenly – totally altering that which previously seemed certain.

Pity those who had a major deal ready to close on September 11th 2001 – or during October 2008. The answer is: speed. Negotiate with urgency – and encourage the other party to take the same attitude.

Remind them that success in business today is not so much the triumph of the big over the small or the strong over the weak as it is the superiority of the fast over the slow. Assume that factors totally outside your control could change the circumstances overnight – and move quickly!

World trends have moved the goalposts our way – with Singapore ideally positioned and equipped to reap the benefits. But opportunities are fleeting, so be prepared to grab them quickly.

Negotiating Myth Number 3 – Negotiating across cultures is difficult

In all the work I do in sales and negotiation skills training, cross-cultural differences are one of the most regularly nominated concerns. Sure, we need to be aware of the other’s cultural sensitivities – but no-one expects someone from another culture to be an expert in theirs.

Often, just acknowledging your ignorance and asking is the best way. As Professor Hans Rosling says, “The problem is not ignorance, it’s pre-conceived ideas.”

A lot of the time, cultural differences are blamed when personality differences are the real problem. This should be reassuring because most successful people have learned to deal with different personalities in their own culture.

People of compatible personality types and different cultures will often find it easier to negotiate than those of different personality types and the same culture.

Of course, any effective negotiating skills program will cover areas like proximity (personal space), negotiating and non-negotiating cultures, time perception differences, direct and indirect communication and the like, but to ensure that stereotyping doesn’t become a trap, cultural awareness and personality awareness need to operate side-by-side.

With my dealings in this area across the globe, I am firmly of the opinion that Singapore is a world leader. Negotiating across cultures here is effortless and this will be a real advantage as business globalises.

Negotiation Myth Number 4 – If you win, I lose

While everyone talks ‘win-win’, a vast majority don’t believe it. Their primary experience of negotiating is, unfortunately, buying their house or car: classic zero—sum negotiation situations (where for one to win, the other must lose). 

This is because very few people have an ongoing relationship with the people they buy their car or house from. In most other negotiations, however, the ongoing relationship plays an important part – even if only for the length of the contract.

One of the most toxic outcomes is a perceived imbalance in the original deal by one party who sets about trying to ‘claw back’ what they were ‘ripped off’ at every opportunity. Many people have negotiated a deal they thought was too good to be true and realised later that it was! Often, your most important task is convincing the other party that they got a fantastic deal.

The skills to be an effective negotiator are within the reach of all of us. Whether it is in business, community or family life – the opportunities to use the skills come along every day. Be aware of the negotiation myths, focus your energies on building strong relationships and always look for the mutually beneficial outcome and you’re on the road to negotiation success. 

Kevin Ryan, International Speaker , Training Edge International